Instagrammers Anonymous: Mixed Reactions

Now that the year has been suitably reviewed in A Second Year In Photos, it’s time to get back to something a bit more normal. Somehow it is once again Friday (where has the week gone?) which means it is time to take stock of the week that has been and look  ahead of another busy weekend – it’s Instagrammers Anonymous.

We’re going to start this week with a moan and a boycott. There is an excellent bar in Edinburgh called The Dome, it was (I think) once a bank, so has fantastically ornate marble floors, floor-to-ceiling mirrored walls and an enormous circular bar. All in all it’s pretty special, and it’s very to lose an evening in amongst the mood lighting and palm fronds. However, they also have a tendency to put their Christmas decorations up too early. WAY, WAY, WAY TOO EARLY! They’ve now been up for a week and a half, and it’s NOT EVEN THE END OF OCTOBER!!!!

In case you hadn’t already gathered, this irritates me quite a bit. I will, therefore, be boycotting it in a sort of one-man (slightly pointless) protest until the 1st December – then it can be Christmasy to its heart’s content.

This week also the rather sudden disappearance of a famous landmark. The other day a fog descended on town and Edinburgh Castle vanished from view, leaving some very bewildered tourists looking at their maps and pointing to the blank patch where they (quite rightly) thought it should be. As a side remark to this photo (because the tram-wire pillar is about the only thing you can see) a ‘progress report’ on our sodding tram project came out this week – apparently the whole thing is now “on track”. I think the painful irony of this pun was rather lost on the report’s authors.

On to happy and less irate news: In case you haven’t realised, I’m quite the Bond fan. In celebration of the release of Skyfall today (!!!) my younger brother and I decided a while ago to watch all of the previous 22 films. We watched the first 4 then ‘skipped a couple’ before watching number 22 last weekend. With a spare evening popping up on Wednesday, we decided to squeeze another one in, I had an excellent evening in with my favourite Bond film and a large glass of wine. And even better, I have my tickets sorted for seeing Skyfall later this evening. The word ‘excited’ doesn’t even come close to describing my feelings.With an action-packed Friday night planned and the potential for making some jam to follow on Saturday (just how I roll) it looks like I’m in for a jam-packed (sorry, couldn’t resist) weekend. Whatever you’re up to – I’m just assuming you’re going to the cinema – I hope Adele and the sound explosions brightens up your weekend.

Cr

Instagrammers Anonymous: Books, Blackness and Bond

 

 

It’s been a quick week, hasn’t it? Doesn’t feel that long since I was last writing a instagram-y review of last week. Anyway, this week’s slightly delayed (because of James Bond Day) round-up is here – it’s a mixed bunch, but when is Instagrammers Anonymous not?

Last weekend we took a trip out to Blackness – it’s about 10 mins west of Edinburgh’s city boundary – and were greeted by incredibly strong winds and this incredible view.
Of all the things I’ve been told recently I think the most bewildering is when the woman sitting next to me on the bus on Wednesday evening told me that my choice of reading material was “odd”. I really don’t think it is – am I just losing the plot? Interesting, I learnt on that same bus journey (from the two chav-lettes sitting behind me) that “Jimmy’s missus has got the clap, but she’s no tellin’ ‘im”. The things you learn on buses…

Just like last year (and I imagine every year to come) there’s now a crunchy carpet around the streets as the leaves begin falling. I was greated by this flame-coloured puddle when trying to avoid the smell of paint in my office one lunch time.

As previously mentioned (several times) Friday was James Bond Day – the 50th anniversary of the premier of Dr No. It seemed almost rude not to watch it.

I’ve no idea what’ll feature next week or what I’m even doing – apart from my first very attempt to bake with yeast – but whatever you do I hope you enjoy it.

Cr

The Name’s Bond, James Bond

From the first “Bah Bah! Dum. Bah Bah! Dum” I’m well and truly hooked. That white circle scans back and forth across the screen, but too late for the person on its trigger. Bang! The blood flows down the screen. Bond has begun.

Since I was little there has always been James Bond; both my dad and older brother are fans, although for many years I associated them with Christmas, because that’s when they were on TV. But pretty soon my brother started getting them on VHS and we watched them until the tapes were stretched almost as much as my family’s patience. We even got our N64 as part of the ‘Goldeneye package’ (still the best game there ever was for it) – the box for which remains in the attic to this very day.

From the witty one-liners, obligatory car chases, glamorous locations and even more glamorous Bond Girls to the surreal plots and bad guys in hollowed out volcanoes, each film is the escapist dreams of every little boy’s dreams. From the age of ten when I decided that I wanted to be James Bond (or perhaps Q) ‘when I grew up’, I’ve been a Bond-addict and over the years it’s been a friendship making process.

The most recent of these has to be two summers ago, when I was working in St Andrews. There weren’t many people around, but I did spend a lot of time with Kat and Mel. One the many things we bonded over (pun fully intended) was our mutual love of all things James Bond. Well, Mel and I did, Kat hadn’t seen them! This obviously had to be rectified, so with the help of box sets purchased from Ebay we watched through each and every film. Fans for life.

Today marks the 50^th anniversary of Bond’s first big-screen performance. On the 5^th October 1962 Sean Connery gave the first performance of Ian Fleming’s legendary spy at Dr No’s London premier. Little did they know what the enduring global appeal for this character would be, and I don’t imagine they even dreamt that it would become the longest running film franchise of all time.

To mark this anniversary – and to get us all excited for Skyfall, which is released in a mere 3 weeks time – I thought I’d run down my ten favourite moments from the first 22 films. These are the moments that make me laugh, cringe and shudder in disbelief; so get those booming soundtracks on, and here we go.

10. “Sorry we’re late, we had some problems at the airport” Kamran Shah, of the Mujahideen, who has come to the Viennese performance of Karla Malovy complete with guns and ammo strapped across his chest. There are so many excellent/cringe-worthy moments in the Living Daylights, but this is my favourite, mainly for M following up with a barely audible mutter “I can’t think why”.

9. That scene on the beach in Dr No when Ursula Andress strolled out of the sea and set the tone for pretty much every Bond Girl since. The scene would be higher if it wasn’t for the awkward Sean Connery singing moment and staged conversation that follows it. Please note: the Halle Berry imitation scene in Die Another Day does not feature on this list, it’s awful, although it does have some hilariously awful dialogue.

8. “There are men in the crater! Men in the crater!” This line shouted in the control room of Blofeld’s You Only Live Twice. A film about rockets and hollowed-out volcanoes, this was definitely a firm favourite when I was younger – members of my family still groan at the prospect of watching it again.

7. “Do you expect me to talk?” “No, Mr Bond, I expect you to die!” Of all the bad guys over the years, there’s still something about Goldfinger that makes him stand out as one of the most evil and sinister.

6. Never is there so much blatant innuendo than in the Roger Moore era, the height of which must be Octopussy and the most hilarious of all – Bond asking about Magda’s tattoo “why that’s my little Octopussy”. I found that hilarious the first time I saw it. I still do.

5. Of all the recurring characters my favourite, beyond all doubt, is Desmond Llewellyn’s Q. Through his 17 films his scenes are always some of the film’s best. When I was younger I definitely wanted to be him when I grew up. In fact, I like him so much he appears twice in this list. The first time is at the end of Moonraker when he’s staring at another screen when Bond appears on the big screen in a rather compromising position: Defense Minister: “My God, what’s Bond doing!” Q: “I think he’s attempting re-entry”

4. Quantum of Solace wouldn’t come very close to my list of top Bond films; however, it does have the best chat-up line in the franchise’s history. In his (obviously successful) attempt to win over Strawberry Fields he utters the ridiculous line: “I can’t find the…um…stationery. Want to help me come look?” Hideously cringe worthy, yes, but also so fantastically Bond.

3. Q’s second appearance in this list has been one of my favourites since I first saw Goldeneye (it’s also the only time a Brosnan film features – for good reason), but I now more associate it with the image in the footer of Mel’s blog Sharky Oven Gloves. Go have a look, hover over the picture of the duck. The quote is simply this “Don’t touch that! It’s my lunch!” Oh Q…

2. “Red wine with Fish. Well that should have told me something.” This ridiculous line showing the fine moral high ground that Bond’s Britain holds over his (he thinks) Russian counterpart comes from From Russia with Love, but is also, I think, a great example of the self-mockery of the films. I could have chosen any number of lines from From Russia with Love – it’s definitely my second favourite Bond film – but this one always cracks me up, so in it went.

And finally…

1. Casino Royale is definitely my favourite of the Bond films. It has all the aspects of a good Bond film, but a solid, gritty storyline that really makes it stand out (the book is also excellent, go read it if you haven’t alread). Daniel Craig also has some incredible lines in it. I was going to go with the quote from the final scene Le Chiffre and Bond share – the one every guy winces at, every time – “I’ve got a little itch, down there. Would you mind?”; but there’s one better, in my opinion. Coming back to the poker table after being poisoned and his heart restarted, the line is plain, it’s simple, but it’s dripping with sarcasm and menace: “I’m sorry. That last hand… nearly killed me”

So happy birthday, Mr Bond, you are one of the world’s most enduring characters and you’ve been my hero since I saw my first Bond.

Now where’s that DVD box set, I’ve got 3 weeks to watch all 22 films before Skyfall comes out – THREE WEEKS TODAY!!!!!!

Cr

(Film photos, curtsey of IMDB.)

London 2012 Olympic Opening Ceremony: Utterly Mad, Utterly Inspired

SPOILER ALERT: if you’ve not seen the opening ceremony of the 30^th Olympiad, don’t read on (unless you want to find out a couple of the surprises).

When I first heard that Danny Boyle had been asked to fill (and accepted) the role of creating and directing the opening ceremony for London 2012 I was quite excited. I love Trainspotting and Slumdog Millionaire – to name but two – and thought he’d make an excellent job of it. Then I realised that he somehow had to follow on from Beijing. Oh dear.

In these humble times of financial woe and belt-tightening how on earth could London compete with, what was widely cited as, the greatest opening ceremony of all time? My pessimism kicked in, surly it would be an awful, cringe-worthy cheap looking version of what had gone before. Even if it was as spectacular as Barcelona or Atlanta, that just wouldn’t cut the mustard – the world expects more these days.

But the world was not expecting Danny Boyle, Isles of Wonder, or what we surly must now call the ultimate opening ceremony.

When it was announced that they were going to take it in a completely different direction (to Beijing) I was quite relieved. That’s not to say I didn’t have doubts (I’m a horribly cynical person, after all), but I was glad that they weren’t going to try something we all knew couldn’t be done.

As the day got closer we started getting tantalising glimpses – the mock-up of the stadium, the interview with Boyle, the pictures of the stadium itself – and the excitement began to build. But what would it be? How were they going to portray Britain? We’re a bit of an awkward country when it comes to history – how could you differentiate between the nations without confusing us – let alone the rest of the world?

Flickr: PowderPhotography

The transformation from Britain’s green and pleasant lands – full of sheep, meadows and an orchestra – to a stadium fit to hold a ceremony on such a grand scale through the metaphor of the industrial revolution was so seamless you’d think it was as natural as closing a window when it rains. Although as one person put it on Twitter – only in Britain could we turn a clean up into performance art.

Those chimneys, the ‘molten metal’ flowing through the stadium like the river Thames, to make a ring (One ring to rule them all… surly what everyone was thinking) which would rise from the ground and move through the air (and chimneys) to interlock with four others. Britain’s industrial past making the floating, golden Olympic rings. And that, why that, was only the opening sequence.

Flickr: PowderPhotography

The ceremony was inspired. I’m not going to regale you with a blow-by-blow account (none of us could last through all of that), but my breath was well and truly taken. Nurses, children’s literature, music from pop to punk and grime. And the man who ‘invented’ the internet; This truly was for everyone.

Two parts really astounded me. Not that the rest was anything less than incredible, but two parts really stuck out; they made me, laugh, smile and almost weep. Firstly the moment a taxi drove into Buckingham Palace (surly against protocol) and Daniel Craig/James Bond got out. Amazing. Then a few moments of Is it?… No, surly not… No, it’ll be a double… No – it’s the actually Queen. Hats off to you Ma’am, I never thought you’d be up for something like that, but I’m so incredibly glad you were. How else would our reigning sovereign get to the ceremony? Being escorted by her most famous secret agent seems perfectly rational when you think about it… A quick flight down the Thames and through Tower Bridge (not CGI, apparently, BBC news say it was done for real – a first) and then a quick check from Bond before her majesty parachutes into the stadium. Hilarious. Humour. Now that truly is a British way to do the games.

Talking of humour brings me nicely on to my other favourite part. Rowan Atkinson is one of our nation’s finest comics – that is not in doubt – but I wouldn’t have put a bet on him appearing here. But then which part would I have predicted? Simply playing the piano at the side of an orchestra performing our most famous piece of Olympic music. And we all know what Chariots of Fire music means – St Andrews. Yes, the dream sequence. IT’S WEST SANDS!!!!! I was watching with a group of fellow St Andreans and had Twitter open. We almost jumped for joy, Twitter virtually exploded with excited alumni. I used to live two minutes from West Sands, so I have many fond memories of it – running down towards that beautiful skyline, the waves gently lapping around my feet, and yes, that music going through my head. Bah bah bah bah baaaaaaah bah, bah bah bah bah baaaaaaaaahhhhhh. I’m welling up just thinking about it. It was a fantastic VT, but completely lost on me. I was in my own world.

And that is my point (it’s taken a while to get to it, I know) that ceremony was open to whatever it meant to you. Yes it had its enormous set-pieces, but it truly represented Britain and there was something for everyone. It was silly, slightly mad (ok it was entirely mad), a little eccentric, a little serious and it was funny. Some of that may be lost on foreign shores, but I think who we are is often lost in translation anyway. It may have been mad, but it was utterly glorious. Yes, the speeches were a little dull, and of course we all were losing the will to live during the athletes’ parade when, 25 minutes in, we’d only got to Bulgaria, but they always are and we always do – and there’s nothing that can be done about it. But the roar when Team GB entered the stadium showed just how much the UK is backing their team. Our greatest team.

The most inspired choice of the evening, however, was saved for the very end. For weeks we’ve been wondering who was going to light the cauldron, wondering which of our great Olympians would be given the honour. But they didn’t give it to any of them. A complete curve ball. Seven of our country’s brightest hopes for the future, each nominated by one of our sporting heroes. The motto of London 2012 is Inspiring a Generation, and so when we think about it, it does make perfect sense to give it to that generation. My generation. It was truly an inspired choice.

Flickr: Department Culture, Media and Sport

Dear World,

This is London calling, we’re hosting a bit of sporting get together. The whole world is invited, 204 countries are coming, 1 billion people are watching. Stand aside Beijing, we’re going to put on a show that will blow you away. Welcome to our country, welcome to our home. It’s time to inspire a generation.

Yours, ever faithfully,

GREAT Britain 

Cr